On Christmas Eve…during a seemingly never ending pandemic

Today marked the final week of 2021 but as the pandemic continues to drag on with not much sign of an ending, time just seems more of a concept than an actual passing of day and month the way it used to: marked by weekend getaways, business trips, travels, or visiting loved ones, celebrations and Christmases. Everything after 2019 just felt like an extended period of limbo, sometimes I would forget my age O.o Before I get to my point, I’d like to take the time to thank those who dedicated their entirety in keeping everyone safe and healthy; pray to those who lost their loved ones that they will find peace and comfort someday; and wish that those who are struggling for a living can improve their situation. As for the rest of us, that we show kindness and empathy in our every day life.

The point I want to make here is that, it is in times like that we need our rituals even more. This could be small personal ones like a cup of hot mint tea in the morning or warm honey milk before bedtime; a stroll at the park with your earphones on and no one else, or a well-deserved cinnamon roll after a hard core workout. It could also be monumental religious/ cultural ones like celebrating Christmases and Chinese New Years. When the outside world feels completely wild and out of our control, rituals remind us that we can still continue to do certain things that we love, to some extent, we are still in control.

For as long as I can remember, Christmas has been my favorite time of the year. Thanks to the British, Hong Kong gets to celebrate Christmas properly with public holidays. I grew up taking photos with fake Santa (plenty of their lookalikes in HK unlike TW :P) annually. I remember the first thing to look forward to is setting up the Christmas tree, then watch dad plug in the socket and witness the tree light up. I remember slowly but surely growing taller than the tree as I aged so mom started placing it on top of an IKEA red table. I remember arranging all the presents under the tree and feeling out each one before boxing day to figure out if I got what I wished for. I remember when my brothers came along, we would strap them on strollers and place them in front of a tree with flickering lights to keep them entertained for hours. Then we moved to Manila, where Christmas celebration commence right after Halloween! We got a tree that was even taller than Dad and it meant even more presents could fit. We would get advent calendars as presents and glue up gingerbread houses with frostings.

As I grew up, that mocha mint Starbucks symbolizes the beginning of Christmas season. It became my turn to guide my little niece and nephew on how to arrange ornaments and watch their faces lit up during the grand”Tree-Lighting Ceremony”. It was also about getting THE best (usually the biggest box) present for the kids therefore becoming their favorite. I remember a year that was especially tough but my cousin and I still went all out and get a present for every single member of our family.

The thing is, Christmas is a glittering promise that comes around every year no matter how grim the days may seem. I regretted not writing cards, getting my family presents or setting up a Christmas tree this year (well last year has proven it a bad idea to tempt my cats with sparkling ornaments) but I’m sure that no matter how old, cynical or stressed I get, Christmas would always be a beacon of hope and it would always save me something good.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you a Merry Christmas.

Hello from London – a recount of the first months of my new home

Between ramping up in my new role at work and scrambling to get my life together, a sense of serenity finally dawned on me. This is the 9th month of uprooting my (mine and that of 2 marmalade cats) entire life to realise my teenage dream of living in Europe. See, that word has always meant more than a continent to me, as if it had cast a spell on me 10 years ago in a little town called Antibes in Cote d’Azur. Europe had me mesmerised till this day.

Since graduation I’ve always found excuses to be here once or twice a year. Be it visiting friends, travelling solo, attending courses or business trips, but my travel lust was simply insatiable. That’s when I knew to truly cure my wanderlust, I need to truly live here for a substantial period of time. Fast forward to last November, I finally did it despite all the bumps along the way. The only thing that was beyond even my wildest dream, was that I get to do it with the loves of my life ❤ Primo & Luka.

For the first few weeks, my only goal was to find a place we can call home despite the deranged rental market in London. Our first residence is a Georgian block conversion in a great neighbourhood, with high ceilings adorned with huge sash windows overlooking greenery (Primo’s favourite spot to watch his friends (horses) march by) and a 1.2m fireplace that unfortunately turned Luka into a black peaty cat the first month.

Of course, I am only able to afford it because it has old plumbing, weak water pressure, poor insulation and a trippy fuse box…which is in essence, what living here is all about! If I enter a modern condo with my eyes closed, I could be in absolutely any city in the world; but to open my eyes to ceiling coving and cornice, squeaky herringbone flooring, I knew I am somewhere in Europe. Every average house I pass by on my way to work seems to be over a century old, yet they still looked as if they were in their prime years.

November is hardly a good month to see London for the first time because she is moody and cold and gloomy. I struggle to get up in the morning most days because the sun never seems to rise entirely… as if it was forced and does so halfheartedly then rushes to get out at sunsets. It was a month filled with work events. My first business trip to Amsterdam, with the Eurostar cancelling on me at the last minute. I’ve come to know it as “your typical day” on this continent.

This is also the month of overachievement for we rented the very first flat we viewed after dozens of calls and viewings. It was not only under budget, but also under 20 minutes commute to work.

December is when London comes alive in all its festivities and bright decorations for the event of the year, Christmas! Having spent the past few years in a city that does NOT celebrate Christmas at all, it is a real treat to finally have a freezing cold Christmas.

To top that off, it snowed twice! Legit snow that piled up here in London, which according to locals, it so rarely happens. My cats saw snow for the first time and were so intrigued that they just stared at the window all puzzled, trying to catch a snowflake. The only month that was actually worth it to endure the cold.

It was also a month of exploring with my brothers who visited halfway across the world from Sydney! We visited Vienna & the magical villages of Cotswold; went to Winter Wonderland, saw Back to the Future the musical and countdown at Primrose Hill. They were also heaven sent IKEA builders for my flat came unfurnished. By January, we were finally able to call this home.

January was when the cold persisted, but without any more of the Christmas garnishes on the streets. Getting up in the morning became easier with simply purchasing a heated blanket. It also draws both my meows to cuddle with me in bed as a side benefit.

We visited Brussels and Bruges then it was time for my brothers to go home. I also get to catch Life of Pi just before it ended and watched the Sleeping Beauty ballet (with a twist). Going to theatre performances that doesn’t break the bank is also a luxury of living in London. Shortly after, it was my turn to be with family for Chinese New Year. Sneaking in a sizzling hot Bangkok trip reminded us of how wonderful life was pre-covid, and now we are finally past it.

*Finally recalling these few months half a year later, I’m astounded by how time flies, then again, happy moments indeed feel so much more fleeting. Not a day goes by where I don’t pinch myself as I am really living the dream now. It feels amazing to have the space and liberty to thrive and learn to take care of myself and the meows one task at a time. The simple pleasure of grocery shopping, completing chores and exploring new areas is abundant and from day 1, London made me felt included. It’s not that Taipei wasn’t just as amazing, but after 6 years it felt too familiar and comfortable. Now that I know myself better which is part of growing up, I knew shaking things up once in awhile is what keeps me spirits up. Stay tuned! To see how I’d feel 6 years from now about London : )

With love,

Rach

Just dropping in to say hi

It’s been over a year and I’ve failed to write down anything because I’ve always tried to keep my blog hopeful. Even when the subject is solemn or dire, I try to find the silver lining in the worse situation, some shape or form of hope. Something I’ve been unable to do for the longest time. Especially after Taiwan has fallen like all other countries. However the writer deep inside of me is protesting! No matter what I write down now, however desperate or depressed, at least that is how I genuinely feel. And even though it’s a hard pill to swallow, this too shall pass. Writing has always been a therapy that works for me, so here I am giving it a try again.

Right before Level 3 lock down (let me use this word loosely as I can’t be bother to find the correct translation) in Taipei, I was fortunate to have one last trip to the beach province of Taiwan. There were moments that I keep going back to, as it brings temporary bliss when the present feels like a long dark tunnel, endless and suffocating. All of those moments involve being in nature, stargazing, dipping my toes in the sand, feeling the sea breeze, submerging in the ocean, surrounded by trees…All of which are impossible to access when we had to stay at home. But here’s a reminder from my past, younger self: nature is a great example that this too shall pass. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always yearned for nature. The mountains the sea, the tall big trees that has lived hundreds of years, perfectly polished pebbles and fine sand that came from giant cliffs after thousands of years, they have endured.

Now, we all know that all things are made up of atoms so we are essentially made up of the same “stuff” as everything you see. So if they somehow survived, some in the same state, some in different forms, so will we. What are a few years in the grand scheme of the universe? A blip. That’s all it is. As nothing can be created or destroyed 😉 (unless you are in MCU but that’s another story), the concept of time is invalid. We are already eternal, we just don’t remember. (no, I’m not high when I write this : ) I’m serious) This may be a wild thought, but it is one that gives me inner peace.

Another thing that comforts me are my cats. From back when they were 1-2 months old, a total baby, the first time bringing Primo to Vet ER, and building them a lavish castle, to watching them get neutered (technically my brothers did, I couldn’t bear) and teaching them tricks (sit, hand, spin!) They have always been these two warm, furry ball of absolute happiness. I’m writing this to mark the 1st anniversary since they came into my life, and I am eternally grateful. Primo is a bundle of silliness, curiosity, gluttony, a small dose of anti-social and fierce but harmless bites. Luka is full of energy, mischief and love expressed in the form of constant purring and gentle meows. Primo smells like freshly baked cookies, but looks like a cinnamon roll. Luka on the other hand, his paws are like caramel biscuits dipped in coffee. They are the last sight before I sleep, and the first thing I see when I open my eyes to a world that is not better, but there they are, leaning against my legs, sleeping safe and sound. Whenever I feel powerless and borderline depressed, I bury my head in their bellies, take a good sniff, listen to their purrs and all is fine again. No matter how bad the day turn out, they reassure me that in a world where they exist, everything will be alright. I am not alone. I think that’s the whole point of going through tough times; to realize who and what really matters and how grateful I am for all that I have.

Here’s to many more years of poop shoveling in return for emotional support; and many nights of falling asleep together and waking me up in the morning with your soft meows.

To 2020, with loathe (love)

Today it dawned on me, the reason behind the underlying sense of unease and anxiety I felt throughout last year (where I found mild consolation from investment and repeatedly calculating my financials.) I am well aware that I am very blessed to be in Taiwan when covid came and came at us like tidal waves (or in some countries, tsunamis), I am so grateful that all my loved ones are safe, healthy, and has job security. (even those who were so close to catching coronavirus had been cleared, thank god). Yet, despite knowing all these facts, I constantly feel the presence of a smothering fog around me, invisible bricks on my shoulder which made even the supposedly effortless breathing, a thing I might forget to do if I weren’t focusing on it consciously. Trips cancelled, plans changed, people came and left. 2020 took something away from me, like it did from everyone else. I just couldn’t describe what it is.

It wasn’t until today, during a brief meditation before my yoga class that the answer appeared before my eyes, in blinking pink neon lights. (I know I’m supposed to let the thought pass, but I’m just a beginner in meditation so bear with me) The thing that 2020 took away from me was a part of my identity. A big chunk of who I am as I know it. gone.

Ok, it was unfair to blame it all on 2020. After all, it is just another year on earth, but it is always easier to blame it on someone, or something. 2019 was a prelude to all that’s awaiting around the corner. The first and most important identity I lost was a HongKonger. Hong Kong, the city I spent 15+4 years in, the place I keep going back to, the tiny dot on the globe I called home. Like most people, where I grew up has always been influential on shaping my values and perspectives. In 2019, we fought and failed, we got up and fought again, be water ! giving up was not an option. We even had small victories. But in 2020, Hong Kong, as I know it, is being grated away irreversibly like a piece of Parmigiano-Reggiano. It breaks my heart to know that the last time I could set foot in my home, everything will be different. I cannot even bring any personal belongings with a sticker on it that reads “Stand with HK”.

Then, I lost my identity as a traveller. My Mom once said that I have wheels under my feet, that I just have to go OUT all the time, and especially when I feel stuck. The change of scene, it was the only thing that meant everything. I am always planning a trip, at my destination, or on the way there. (read the Art of Travel which explained the fascination of traveling) It was my biggest craving and deepest addiction. (I admit from time to time, I crave for bubble tea too) It is full of surprises, good and bad, it takes courage and an open mind to fully enjoy what a journey has to offer. Being able to travel is to be free, free from the daily chores and noises, free to disappear into the streets where no one speaks your language, free to spend however long at wherever place. It was like 2020 took away my roller blades.

Combining the two above I have also lost my identity of being the best granddaughter possible, the best niece/cousin and someone’s dear friend. Because no matter how advanced technology has become, all I want is to bring my grandparents to yum cha and explain to them the cool things I’ve achieved at work, showing them photos of where I’ve been and telling them the stories behind it. All I want is to share a couch and watch tv with my aunt and complain about boys. I miss having my closest friends just one flight away and our friendship pick up right away where we left off.

Not to mention, one of the best part about my job is the opportunity to travel the world on a monthly basis, meeting my fun and friendly teammates, spending time with them at fancy hipster places, enjoying airline elite status privileges while staying at nice hotels having high level complains, being a completely spoiled brat. (disclaimer: only I complained about the lack of robes) Only to return home, almost forgetting the floor I live on.

But none of the ranting is going to change the situation. The first step of getting out of a ditch, is to recognize just how deep it is. The flip side of “lost identities” is “identities gained”. Here’s the silver lining, I gained some very important identities in 2020.

The best thing that happened to me were Primo and Luka. Yes, I found myself two noble (ginger, furry) Kings to serve. Instead of looking up the next best deal for flights and hotels and planning itineraries. I am constantly searching for and cross referencing the best cat food (and litter, and litter box, and toys and water fountain and vet etc.) there is out there. The mundane chores of everyday life suddenly sparked joy, watching my cats eat, scooping their defecations while marveling at how perfect they (their defecations, not the cats) look, praising them for merely drinking water and allowing me to brush their teeth, going to bed side by side, one by one, kissing them goodnight.

I became a studious French learner. It is probably the only thing I have not given up half way (yet). There is something very therapeutic about acquiring the pronunciations and tones of a foreign language, paying attention to details that don’t even matter in real life (grammar, gender of each noun, accident is masculine because men are always more careless jk, I’m not sexist) noticing progress when things clicked and made sense and accepting that the more you learn, the more there is to learn.

I am practicing yoga a lot more regularly now, focusing on each breath instead of shaking in each form, acknowledging and accepting my limits, noticing how the little things actually makes huge differences and getting that much closer to finding inner peace. Gaining strength along the way and ways to cope with difficulties in life. I realized that I don’t always have to run away, I could also stare my fear and insecurities right in their eyes and stay. Hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right : )

So to all my dearest, I urge that you embrace and balance all your identities under the current circumstances, identities new and old; for you are far more than just one façade, which may seem the case on a flat screen. They may be able to take away a part of it, but they could never take them all. Even though we cannot meet in person for now, know that you remain in a safe and secure place in my heart. (Heart from Primo)

p.s. you may also notice one identity I’m trying to regain, a writer : )

Just when you think things cannot get any worse…

It is one thing to pursue a life abroad entirely out of one’s own decision and free will, but completely another to be forced to leave your home. The latter is what most Hong Kong people are facing right now.

Of course there are those who gladly embraces China with open arms, in the spirit of Hong Kong being an open society, though I can never comprehend the logic, I respect their opinion. Just move over to Greater Bay Area already, chop chop…However, most Hong Kongers have been protesting for the past year to preserve Hong Kong under the one country two system for AT LEAST 50 years. (As things progress, police brutality is a seriously huge issue we protest about but let’s keep it simpler for now)

The hottest topics being discussed lately amongst friends and relatives are “UK will be extending rights to BNO holders, hopefully passing the bill in Sep” – HK DHL delivery all packed with people trying to mail out their BNO renewal forms. “3M HKD to buy a house and you can get Portuguese Citizenship in 5 years” “6.5M NTD as investment to migrate to Taiwan, ah but it’s not as easy as it was” This may be familiar to my parents generation as they have been through 1997 when Hong Kong was handed over, but this is entirely new to me. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against China, in fact, since Grade 1’s Mandarin class (不到長城非好漢), I’ve been dying to visit the Great Wall, I’m fascinated by Chinese history and myths and stories behind each traditional festival. I love the fact that I’m Chinese, I just downright disagree with the Party and its Chairman (which btw, they can probably just throw me in jail for merely saying that when the security law passes. Better put it out there now than later.)

I’ve always been thankful for my parents’ decision to give up moving to the States and staying in Hong Kong. I grew up witnessing all the beauty of this little fishing town, I mean international financial center, that is so diverse and dynamic. It was competitive growing up but still so god damn wonderful. How can 7M+ people be packed in such a small but vibrant city where there are endless things to do! There were times I hated Hong Kong of course, the pollution, the rude people cutting lines, the traffic, the overly priced pretentious restaurants… but the more I’ve seen and lived in other cities, the more I see the beauty of Hong Kong. Oh no, it’s not another modern international city like Singapore. Hong Kong has CHARACTER. And CHARM. (no, I’m not biased, you can hike in HK, can you in SG?) Truly a harmonious juxtaposition of Western and Eastern cultures. Despite being merely a dot on the map, there is so much history and stories behind each stairs and crooked alley. There is nature, are beaches and mountains within your grasp. Its architecture so rich in elegance yet so rough in texture. The western Kong style food, long before “fusion” is even a thing. I fell in love with my hometown all over again the last time I shown my Mexican friends around.

No city is perfect, but only one would be home. At least that’s what I’ve always assumed…but now home… may become yet another distant, abstract concept we keep in our hearts, like universal suffrage and sovereignty. Step by step, China is restraining our rights as Hong Kong citizens: freedom of press (police attacking journalists, terminating TV shows that discuss politics), freedom of assembly and protest (first time in 30 years we’re not allow to gather for the June 4th memorial), freedom of speech! I know you argue that well China has always been that way, but that’s the thing, humans can only progress and evolve, we cannot go backwards and revert back to the 1800s!

I can foresee further injustice happening in Hong Kong, accompanied by escalating policy brutality, government’s nonchalance and judicial system nonsense. But for now, let’s take some quiet time and mental space to recall the courageous spirits, freedom loving students in 1989 at Tiananmen Square.

May we have the courage to stand up against human rights violation and unite under the love for freedom and truth. To tell right from wrong despite all the fake news and abundance information out there. To have critical thinking and be calm and open minded to discussions. Do not fear for doing the right thing.

Here’s to all those Tiananmen students who never left and were forever students. Here’s to all Hong Kongers who died, who sacrificed, who were arrested, who fled because they love and protected Hong Kong. Covering up or forbidding the mention of something is not going to make it go away because what has happened is carved in time. And the fact is my parents watched it live on TV 1989, June 4th.

Although there was no image, they heard every gun shot loud and clear. May we never forget what really happened. 毋忘六四. 毋忘721, 毋忘831. Those who survived and lived, own it to those who didn’t.

Tiananmen Square incident | Summary, Details, & Facts | Britannica — credits: https://www.britannica.com/event/Tiananmen-Square-incident

https://edition.cnn.com/2013/09/15/world/asia/tiananmen-square-fast-facts/index.html (last updated May 2020)

Ho sum up.

一直以黎，就算離開幾耐，去到幾遠，心裡面永遠都係記掛香港。菲律賓人質事件，我會想去醫院睇下有無野可以幫手。每年暑假stay behind 香港到最後一秒先走。IB Diploma TOK滿分presentation 講廣東話Linguistic Determinism. Extended Essay A grade 探討點解逸東村係悲情城市。大學同roommate URL打myust.com會自動跳出mytvsuper. 去法國exchange 2歐買一盒VLT都捨得。就算依家係台北做野，都盡量一個月翻香港一次，因為香港有我愛嘅家人朋友同埋南記潭仔榮記勝香園 (I love noodles)。因為無論我幾愛台灣 yes I fucking love Taiwan；I know clearly 香港先係屋企，永永遠遠都係。Because Hong Kong is home.

97好彩（定係唔好彩）屋企決定唔移民去美國，I get to grow up in the best city in the world. (I truly believed that, especially after traveling to dozens of countries).香港有好多搵錢大過天躁底涼薄pk mean人；但係更多更多野令我引以為傲，任何地方都唔會搵到。曾幾何時，每當有人問我係邊度人，我都會將頭抬得更高，同人講 I am from Hong Kong. Yes, it is part of China, but we’re a Special Administrative Region and we have our own set of laws, police and government. 每當有人comment wow you speak such good English, 我會答, Hong Kong is a bilingual city, we start learning English from the age of 5 (even younger now I bet) 暗自翻個白眼。我遇過幾個上左年紀嘅外國人，upon hearing I’m from Hong Kong, they’d say, oh I used to have toys that are Made in Hong Kong. 然後我心裡面總會泛起一絲絲自豪感。One of the SMARTEST person I know, chose to study in HKUST, all the way from Germany.

Now every single day I see ~~people~~ (Police/ Government) DESTROYING everything that Hong Kong stood for, destroying my one and only home. With ever violent gesture, every press conference they held; they’ve taken away, piece by piece, the haven I’ve known for all my life. 我難以想像依家嘅小朋友要面對嘅唔係訓導主任記過校服裙過短，而係警察去學校叫你除口罩。每個禮拜六日，要做好比人(警察) 打嘅心理準備。出街著咩顏色衫都要諗過度過。我最反感係去大陸出差，點解要我delete野，點解要咁撚驚比人見到屬於我自己嘅私隱。點解可以指鹿為馬，是非黑白顛倒，踢人係用腳推開人，警察變翻以前港產片嘅有牌爛仔，無法無天？oh and if I posted this, I can get LAID OFF? I’ve always had a lot of questions growing up…but these are the ones that cannot be answered. 去到今時今日我已經唔知每一日訓醒，香港仲會剩低幾多真正嘅香港，而唔係共產黨。到底挨唔挨得到我下次翻黎？The only thing I can think of right now, is pray. Pray that 善惡到頭終有報，多行不義必自斃。Because that’s the only thing that allows me to fall asleep at night.

Might as well put this out there now, before all the censorship bullshit and the end of freedom of speech.

– will try to do English translation tomorrow, in honor of the fact that Hong Kong was proudly a British Colony.

Do you hear the people sing? Singing the songs of angry men.

It is with the heaviest heart that I am writing this, after THE largest protest Hong Kong has ever seen since the 1997 handover. I admit in guilt that since the Umbrella movement in 2014, I avoided all political news in Hong Kong on purpose because it was too much to bear. It was made easy when I relocated to Taipei in 2017, out of sight, out of mind right? I took the ostrich approach to spare my heart and brain the trouble; for it is unable to resolve or reconcile these political affairs. But there is a limit to deliberate oblivion. During this business trip to Hong Kong, I happened to be here and even the “usually uninterested group” [the business sector, the elderlies, the C9s (housewives)] expressed their concern; I can no longer stay out of my Hong Kong citizen duties.

Many would say with 1.03M protesters, in other countries, the government would have collapsed already. That is the reason why HK people have been protesting for universal suffrage. BECAUSE 1.03M would mean 1.03M VOTES in a democratic system. However, in our government, it translates into nothing more than noises from the society. If the legislative council gets enough votes from their members, the law will pass anyway. This is why it is imperative for us to express our voices in anyway possible. For those who opt for demonstration, please do so. For the brave young souls who stayed and occupied the roads, I admire your courage. And I thank you for your sacrifice for the greater good of our future generations.

For those who consider themselves moderate/ mild, please also be understanding of one another, it is now the time to unite as one, Hong Kong people. Only together, can we make the loudest sound to be heard. Mrs. Carrie Lam has literally gone mad where she can only see how her arguments make sense and unable to hear mainstream opinion. How do you wake up someone who pretends to be sleeping? I don’t know. But there is no harm in trying.

For the so called 700k signatures that “support” the extradition law. My brothers have tried signing up on their website. Basically, you can type in ANY number for identification and it will be recorded. Simply put, it is a scam. With THAT many signatures “supporting the extradition law”, only 30 showed up to hand over the petition to the government. No one can possible believe in that bullshit right? It was in fact, printed on the front page of one major newspaper in HK…I’d like to quote the recently popular show: Chernobyl

“What is the cost of lies? It’s not that we’ll mistake them for the truth. The real danger is that if we hear enough lies, then we no longer recognize the truth at all.”

After the protest, I took my usual minibus (54) home. The radio was aptly blasting Under the Lion Rock Mountain song from the 80s, I couldn’t help but teared up because the reason why we could prosper like an economic miracle at that time is because everyone had freedom of speech, of basic human rights and trust in the system. Unlike our “Great Nation” /偉大的祖國, where people could be retaliated for something their country did, go vanish, be staged suicide, forced TV confession, you name it, they’e probably done it. For future generations to come, you could all be labelled fugitive if this law go through. This is not just about the 0.0001% criminals, but ALL of us. There is no guarantee in the words of liars. The law removes this firewall between Hong Kong and the notorious judicial system in China. We are all at stake, even the business travelers who transit or the tourists who love shopping in Hong Kong so much.

I feel helpless and powerless after doing my part. After all the education I had, career I’ve been building, what else can I do to contribute? Quoting Denise Ho, from her speech at the Oslo Freedom Forum, we continue to do what we do best. For me it meant writing. For all my international friends to understand and raise awareness amongst people. I am still keeping my hopes up. I hope the next time I return to Hong Kong, it will still be the same safe haven it has always been. I cannot call another place home. God bless Hong Kong. May the odds be ever in the people’s favor.

To learn more:

CNN

Oslo Freedom Forum

Christopher Patten’s comment (Final British Governor of HK)

Gooooo watch Captain Marvel, especially if you have little girls, and happy women’s day!

What a perfect day to write my first post of 2019 because today is 3/8 International Women’s Day! Let’s not get into the discussion on whether or not this is necessary/ gender equality etc. because that would take another million words. Let’s go back to this jaw dropping, humor packed heroine movie that is all about staying true to your values, believing in yourself, FORGIVING yourself and embracing friendship. To be honest, this applies to everyone, regardless of gender.

Image result for captain marvel

*mild spoiler alert*

My favorite quote by Captain Marvel was when she was being challenged, yet again by her male “mentor” to fight him without using her power to which she finally said, “I’ve got nothing to prove to you.” I’m sure I’m not the only one who constantly feels the need to excel and exceed expectation; to prove my worth that I deserve to be in such a place or given this opportunity since high school, college even throughout my career. This movie and a lot of personal experiences made me realized that I, myself, am the only person who THINKS that way. I am the one who constantly doubts myself and deems myself unfit for challenges.

Image result for female and male looking into mirror

It is scientifically proven that females are more prone to imposter syndrome, perhaps it is because the way society was structured since the beginning of homo sapiens but I just want to say that EVERYONE feels that way at some point. By talking to more and more successful people that I look up to, I realized that we all feel a bit insecure, a bit out of place, a bit like “how does everyone’s insanely awesome work look so effortlessly done” from time to time.

Even the most experienced female leaders in multinational companies FEEL THAT WAY. It is ok to be uncertain and doubtful at times and that is not a sign of weakness. It just meant that you care about your growth and is conscious about your abilities. Often times I found that by doing your best, being genuine and open to feedback is the best anecdote 🙂 Of course our ability is limited to certain extent, but if you have never taken a leap of faith and given your very best, how could you know what your best self looks like?

That’s why in the end Captain Marvel can fly and single handedly DESTROY spaceships; she finally believed in herself and broke out of the shackles formed by others’ opinions. She is flawed, but by acknowledging it, it makes her invincible. She stood up against non-believers and challengers again and again because every time you get up, you are stronger.

What I also ABSOLUTELY LOVE about this movie is that there is a strong emphasis on friendship. Even in the days when you have lost faith in yourself (because it happens!), that you felt like you’re not up for the next challenge, that you’re simply not good enough, it works wonders to have a friend or two (I am very lucky and grateful to have more than that, in various timezones 😉 who could shake you up and remind you how much you’ve accomplished so far and how marvelous you are as a human being. We all forget about that sometimes. I love how the story puts these two female roles in the Air Force where they could only fly experimental planes because the law back then didn’t allow women to fly on mission. I love that not only are they fighting gender equality back then but also racism; Captain Marvel’s best friend is black, and a wonderful mother and role model to her daughter.

*mild spoiler alert* ends

So I’m sorry Cap and Thor, who used to be my favorite for their amazing leadership and OP skills (that act he pulled on Nidavellir?!), Captain Marvel has easily replaced them. This then got me thinking, how can any girl look up to a role model, if she has never seen one before? How do they know, oh I can become so and so if they’ve never known a real life example? Indeed, Gal Gadot was amazing. In Wonder Woman she had inspired many young girls around the world that not only men can be powerful and badass! But beyond “superhero” industry (since it is a very limited and imaginary one), how often do you see a female exemplar in say Engineering, Politics, Medicine, Aviation (Amelia 😛 but that’s it!) let’s not forget that this movie, is also the first female directed Marvel movie, out of 21.

I’m sure you can name a few, but the real question is, if you were to think of the male counterparts of these industries, I’m sure there are TOO many for you to even begin. It is undeniable that a lot of work still needs to be done in all too many industries.

According to dictionary, a heroine is a woman admired for her courage, outstanding achievements or noble qualities. So to all accomplished women out there, I want to echo Lean In (by Sheryl Sandberg) that you are the role model that younger girls look up to, and you’ve already got what it takes to be their heroine. I also sincerely hope that one day, I can become the heroine that my 16 year old self would look up to.

p.s. I was a bit skeptical at first because I’ve been overwhelmed by the many Marvel movies and Brie Larson isn’t really my type but I must admit that it is complete prejudice, and I absolutely adore this character and how she portrayed her flaws, humors, her tremendous courage and faith. Captain America may be the first Avenger, but Captain Marvel is the PERSON who inspired the team name Avengers 😉 who also happens to be a woman : )

Image from polygon.com

What 2018 has taught me

The funny thing about writing a reflection of 2018, is that I have been doing the exact same thing for the last few years but they always ended up as drafts in my account. 2018 holds a special place in my heart because exactly 10 years ago, the biggest change in my life (at least back then) happened. My whole family moved to the Philippines. If my life was a book, that would be the turning point for the protagonist because it placed her in a completely foreign environment. It was sink or swim; she got out as a manta ray : ) So no matter what, I am determined to really get this post out before the last day of 2018. Here it goes:

As I’m calibrating my ukulele, I realized just how off tune it is because it has “travelled” with me a few times and I haven’t played it in months. This got me thinking, perhaps I am like that ukulele too. As I travel from here to there, twice a month, perhaps I am off tune and off balanced as well and all I really need is recalibration to sound right, to sound like me again. I think a year end reflection serves this purpose perfectly.

Be your authentic self. Because no one can be better at being you, than yourself. In a world of cookie cutters, don’t ever stop being genuine.
What you want may not come in the form you’ve expected. But whatever life sends your way, trust that it is for the better.
Worry less. Worrying doesn’t stop things from happening so to worry is to suffer twice! If something is bound to happen, it will regardless of whether you worried or not!
Everything that happens in life is what you make of it. Good or bad days, you can always get out better.
Thrive on challenges. Failures merely show areas of growth! Conquer one mountain at a time and never stop climbing. (Disclaimer: er nope I don’t actually hike)
Do not let one failure define you. It is after all just a blip in your fruitful life.
Keep your family and friends close. Nothing else matters more than that.

Wishing everyone who finished reading this a wonderful 2019, where you brace every day with gratitude in your heart, courage in your pocket, a sparkle in your hand and a smile on your face.

Reality is the story we tell ourselves

Not long ago, someone said to me “reality is merely the story we tell ourselves.” I’ve never given much thoughts to it back then, but after visiting the SF MOMA last week, Magritte’s exhibition jolted my memory and I want to talk about reality.

If I have a holiday to spare and the weather is perfect, I wouldn’t hesitate to head to the beach by myself with a book in my hand and enjoy a quiet afternoon under the sun; when I discuss this act with a friend, she finds the idea depressing. This is the story she tells herself. The story I told myself is that I can be spontaneous, come and go as I please; to me, it is freedom. In other words, everything is down to how you interpret what happens in your life. You can choose to tell yourself the story whereby you’re the victim; or you can tell the story as a survivor. It sounds easier said than done you think, but the change of mindset can happen fast too if you only let yourself believe.

For instance, in these paintings by Magritte, has the apple/ rose expanded to the size of the room? Or has the apple/ rose been placed in a miniature room?

Both stories explains exactly what’s in front of our eyes, but which story would you rather tell yourself? The surrealist approach of the painter, that the apple is in fact as big as the room, because of the values it represent (of life, of vitality) or the realist approach so that everything “makes sense”?

Is this sunset, or sunrise? Is this a shattered painting? Or merely lights reflected on broken glass?

Magritte is such a genius the way he triggers so many questions and room for imagination in his work. There is no right or wrong in interpreting reality, but I beg that you always pick the one that makes you the happiest. Because life is unpredictable and short, and I do not want you to waste even just one minute, on things that goes against your values.

This is just like any skill / muscle that can be improved through practice. For instance, I like to do random thought experiments when I am idle, usually on a train, a car or a plane, looking out of the window. How would I interpret a certain act if I were a certain person? Where would I be if I hadn’t make certain moves/ choices in life? What would become of me if I stuck with my childhood aspiration to be a teacher? What would my life be if I ended up with certain people for the rest of my life?

I think this helps train your brain to be malleable and open to opportunities that life presents to you; it also reduces our tendency to be fixated on certain paths/ goals that may be imposed on us by society norms or peer pressure or cultural expectations. The door is both locked yet perpetually open.

I don’t know if it applies to everyone; but there has to be a point in life where everyone seems to be doing one thing, taking science electives, going abroad to study, getting an internship, aspiring to become an ibanker etc. I was too young and immature back then to stop and think about if that’s really for me. I’ve found myself to be like a fish in the dessert at times; but I’m happy to say that I’ve finally found my way back into the water. It is refreshing and so effortlessly good to be with like-minded people and an environment that makes everyday as easy as breathing. So no, I am committed to reminding myself not to fall into that trap again, to be blinded into believing that what everyone want/ think is desirable, is what I want. I will continue on my own path, and stick to my beliefs, no matter how absurd it may look to others.

It’s probably not directly related as my words are as scattered as my thoughts but I’d like to end on a poem that I’ve read recently. It encapsulated the idea of switching gears and looking at things via new, hopeful lens. Yes, I’m sure there are people out there who’d disagree with me, but heck, I’ll always have faith that life is good, and believe that people are inherently nice; I’ll always be a romantic in life.

“What though the radiance which was once so bright

Be now for ever taken from my sight

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor

in the grass of glory in the flower

We will grieve not rather find

Strength in what remains behind” – William Wordsworth

Miss Tofu

My journey in life