SPG – Miss Tofu

Warning: Below content contains some high level complaints and explicit images that may offend some narrow-minded people who has a habit of taking things too seriously. Reader discretion is advised; haters gonna hate though so this is just for laughs.

Oh the joy and pain of business trips…it still amazes me when I walk into a hotel room like the above, but no matter how often I travel, I can NEVER sleep well in a hotel bed. Sometimes I get lucky and will be able to fall asleep fast, get through the whole night safe and sound on the third try; other times I would have already checked out! So here I have complied a guide to surviving that luxurious picture perfect hotel room – all by yourself.

1) Make yourself at home. Whether that means making the room messy or setting up routines, find little ways to remind yourself that this is your habitat for the next few days. For instance, I always start by untucking the blanket…who even invented this because it’s so uncomfortable to be trapped like a caterpillar; I mean I’m clearly the butterfly already 😉 Next thing I usually do is open all the curtains; I always sleep on the right side if I can so I’ll also locate the tissue box and move it to the right side of the bed thanks to my allergies. On the messy part: I like to leave my toiletries all over the bathroom and instead of hanging up my clothes, I’d toss them around on purpose so I feel I own the place.

2) DO NOT DISTURB. It’s sometimes hard to communicate with housekeeping that you want to keep those towels, linens and even the soap so first and foremost, it is about being environmentally friendly. But I also like the fact that at least throughout my stay, I am the only human being to occupy the room, I’ll leave whatever hair, scent, dead skin etc. as I please but really, who needs new towels every day? This echos my previous point about keeping my room messy; why do hotels always assume guests like to have their room “tidied up”? Imagine next time the door sign actually says “Please make my room cozy”? I’d happily flip over my do not disturb in that case.

3) Find your happy place in the hotel and the room. Some people go for that breakfast in bed, some gym, I prefer to swim. As for the room, locate your favorite corner, sometimes it’s the balcony, the writing desk, that lounge chair, the nook of the sofa or most of the time, that bed that is way too comfortable and wide that would fit 4 of me. I like to just curl up and listen to peaceful guitar music, read or just reply urgent emails (ok the last part isn’t really “like” but need to).

4) Make a pillow fortress!!!! Because what else would you do with 3 other pillows?! One thing I never complained about are those fine, crispy cold white sheets.

5) Spend some time to dine in, order room service, do your favorite thing, wear that robe, enjoy that bubble bath, boil water (ONLY drink the second boil, no matter how nice the place is, I make sure to pour out the first boil BECAUSE..! mom said so) and make tea… I also enjoy writing letters with hotel papers and envelopes because their writing pads always feel so nice and they make it so easy (sometimes even for free!) to actually mail it. But if you REALLY ran out of things to do (like me), just write about how to survive a nice hotel room!